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Category: Jackassery

What Is With That?

What Is With That?

Chelsea Clinton to receive Lifetime Achievement Award?

“At the heart of New York City is a vibrant community of strong women in entertainment, media, and politics whose commitment to philanthropy is inspirational,” said Michelle Sobrino Stearns, Group Publisher/Chief Revenue Officer of Variety, in a statement released Monday. “We are delighted to be celebrating these women along with the women profiled in our annual New York Women’s Impact List with our partners at Lifetime.”

Ms. Clinton, vice chair of the Clinton Foundation, “will be honored for her work with Alliance for a Healthier Generation, which empowers kids to develop lifelong healthy habits,” Variety added.

Huh.

San Francisco considers new tolls.. to cross town.

San Francisco considers new tolls.. to cross town.

A bit of Friday morning delight. From the Sacramento Bee:

San Francisco transportation officials are considering charging drivers to cross downtown and the city’s southern border with San Mateo County.
Among the ideas under consideration is a $6 charge to leave the city’s northeast sector, which includes the Financial District, weekdays between 3:30 and 6:30 p.m.
Hey – kind of like a ransom, no? The Toll receipt should look just like a ransom note, using letters cut out of news papers and magazines!
I believe that we have discovered the key to solving California’s budget problems. We just need to charge people to leave the state. A big ‘ol toll booth on the eastern terminus of Highway 50 At the Y in South Lake Tahoe. Why not a Floriston Wall on Interstate 80, similar to the one we lost in Berlin?
We can charge for visitors too! Get ’em coming and going!
While we’re at it, let’s get rid of those pesky Red Light Cameras. Let’s just charge implement a Red Light Tax Fee. Everyone pays! Those things cost money to run, you know.
What about those that don’t use cars? That’s a lot of potential revenue that we’re leaving on the table. Very well, time to initiate the Cross Walk Toll. That will be used in conjunction with the Just Standing There Toll.
I don’t know why our State Budget was so late, when the streets here are paved with gold.

Photo by Noah Berger / San Francisco Chronicle
Best Trivia Factoid Evah

Best Trivia Factoid Evah

Was listening to the This Day Back In The Day quiz on The Rise Guys Show on KHTK Sports 1140 this morning when Quizmaster Maximus Whitey Gleason dropped the best trivia factoid evah.

The Question: What year did (some science) Magazine publish the article “Why Stalin will live to be 100”?

The answer – 1953.

On the VERY DAY HE DIED!

I want that superpower! Kind of like that cat in the nursing home that “knows” who will be the next patient to die.

If I had that power, I’d begin penning articles about Osama Bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri, and many more. Yes, many, many more.

Time to make a list.

Bizzaro World Whitey Gleason

Bizzaro World Whitey Gleason

Rumors are circulating that Sports 1140 KHTK’s Whitey Gleason is something of an Action Movie Star. But are there two Whitey Gleasons?

Creep Miester Maximus

100% Original Rise Guy: Two Centuries and counting

One, a sharp witted broadcaster, mimic, parody song-crafter, and basketball whipping boy.

The other, the Bizarro Whitey Gleason?

Consider:

Bizarro Whitey Gleason as we see him in 1988’s Die Hard

IntrospectiveBizarroWhiteyGleason

Is that an H&K MP5? Nice.

Here, Bizarro White Gleason ponders: Why I am I the normal brother?

Memorable and Compelling Radio? Can it be done?

I don’t always wear glasses

Until Bruce Willis interrupts his thoughts

Damn That Phantom!

Put down the gun Bruce, I do a pretty good Jay Leno…

 

 

 

 

Bruce, isn’t smitten with the Leno impersonation…

Can I have a machinegun, to scare all the kids down the street?

Eyes Wide Open

Following this, Bizarro Whitey Gleason finds himself adrift.

Trafficking in Human Organs

The depths of depravity

The depths of depravity

Threatening kids in a lunchroom

He's got a Gun!

And he’s not afraid to use it.

Apparently, all hippied up, and living in a commune

Letting himself go.

No respect for himself.

A humiliating low – swimsuit model

That's not <i>too</> ghey...

Next up, ghey men’s magazines

Finally becoming introspective

Candy Ass, can I see your Man Card?

Candy Ass, can I see your Man Card?

Before returning to the Chummy Pal we all know and love. Seen here rawkin’ the WalkMan, listening to the Bay City Rollers.

Wears this cap to bed.

He blames this look on the influence of his older brother

Apparently, Bizarro Whitey Gleason also has an older brother, Bizarro Phantom

Icon

Icon

Who greets parishioners at church as he prepares to read from Scripture, thusly

Hey Everybody!

A reading from the Book of “And The Horse You Rode In On”

Conclusion: The Bizarro Whitey Gleason has never been seen at Wiener Works. Therefore, there are two Whitey Gleasons.

President Obama Knows How To Trash Talk While Hooping It Up

President Obama Knows How To Trash Talk While Hooping It Up

Overheard above the din of fresh Nikes squeaking on the White House Court:

“As I have always said, that was a foul.”

“Make no mistake, I will make both of these free throws.”

“We never suggested that both free throws were a requirement to win this game.”

“Some have suggested that I called ‘glass’. Let me be clear, if I did indeed make my shot by banking it off the backboard, then I did call ‘glass’. However, if I missed the shot, then it was because we inherited these bent rims from the previous administration’s policy of using them at Guantanamo Bay. Our allies around the world have lost respect for us because of this policy, and it has fomented new round-ball challengers in the Arabian Peninsula.”

The Customer Is Always Right! Mostly. Sometimes.

The Customer Is Always Right! Mostly. Sometimes.

Hit the local Round Table Pizza (2650 Cameron Park Dr. Ste 100 Cameron Park, CA 95682 (530) 677-9055) Saturday night when we discovered that, apparently, the children would like to consume some nourishment before retiring for the evening.

Called in the order for a large King Aurthur Supreme, and one Medium Cheese. Ready in 25 minutes. Five minute drive over to the eatery, paid, asked for Parmesan Cheese and Crushed Red Peppers – they’re out of Parmesan, and have one packet of Red Peppers available.  Well then, fine.

Clerk / Manager opens both boxes (to ensure quality?) confirms pizzas are contained therein. Took Pizzas home. Opened the Medium Cheese: If I had poured lighter fluid (or some other suitable accelerant) on it, set it ablaze, and placed it in a plutonium pile in an active reactor I couldn’t have burned it more. Pretty much Coal Shale, with black as the primary hue, and a smattering of phlegm brown for effect.

Called Round Table: Friend, you’ve clearly conducted a calorie burning test on this disc of carbon, I need you to make this right. Response: ’sure, it will be ready in 15 minutes’. Wait ten minutes, then drive back.

Now, we’ve frequented this establishment for 14 years. The past two years the quality has been… inconsistent and in decline. So I asked to speak with the Manager, seeking no additional relief, just to acknowledge that they seemed to be having a quality control problem, because clearly there is a problem, since the fellow who completed our transaction opened both boxes and saw the evidence of nuclear weapons development contained in the Medium Cheese Pizza Box, and sent it out the door anyway. Just an effort to curb any repeat incident. Response: ‘That was the manager, and he just left for his break (whispered aside: I think he was trying to dodge you)’.

My response: Perhaps I shall frequent the Pizzeria across the roadway then.

Clerk’s response: ‘Ah, okay. Sorry.’

In summation: the Round Table Pizza at 2650 Cameron Park Dr. Ste 100 Cameron Park, CA 95682 (530) 677-9055 should be avoided.