Rumors are circulating that Sports 1140 KHTK’s Whitey Gleason

100% Original Rise Guy: Two Centuries and counting

is something of an Action Movie Star.

But are there two Whitey Gleasons?

One, a sharp witted broadcaster, mimic, parody song-crafter, and basketball whipping boy.

The other, the Bizarro Whitey Gleason?

Consider:

Bizarro Whitey Gleason as we see him in 1988’s Die Hard

Is that an H&K MP5? Nice.

Here, Bizarro White Gleason ponders: Why I am I the normal brother?

I don’t always wear glasses

Until Bruce Willis interrupts his thoughts

Put down the gun Bruce, I do a pretty good Jay Leno…

Bruce, isn’t smitten with the Leno impersonation…

Eyes Wide Open

Following this, Bizarro Whitey Gleason finds himself adrift.

Trafficking in Human Organs

The depths of depravity

Threatening kids in a lunchroom

And he’s not afraid to use it.

Apparently, all hippied up, and living in a commune

No respect for himself.

A humiliating low – swimsuit model

Next up, ghey men’s magazines

Finally becoming introspective

Candy Ass, can I see your Man Card?

Before returning to the Chummy Pal we all know and love. Seen here rawkin’ the WalkMan, listening to the Bay City Rollers.

He blames this look on the influence of his older brother

Apparently, Bizarro Whitey Gleason also has an older brother, Bizarro Phantom

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Who greets parishioners at church as he prepares to read from Scripture, thusly

A reading from the Book of “And The Horse You Rode In On”

Conclusion: The Bizarro Whitey Gleason has never been seen at Wiener Works. Therefore, there are two Whitey Gleasons.

Heard on Olde Time Radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“For you, all of human endeavor is a vague blur in high heels.”

Heard on Olde Time radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“I better have a drink first. There’s an ugly taste in my mouth. I think it’s saliva.”

Heard on Olde Time radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“Along the Embarcadero, nothing’s perfect except the heels.”

Heard on Olde Time radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“Sooner or later you get burned, and it doesn’t make any difference whether you’re a man or a mouse. Because down in the waterfront, in San Francisco, they build the traps both ways… Down here, if you reach out to help a panhandler, the guy’ll take your arm and hand you back the dime… I rent boats and deal any place that’ll give a good trade-in on a second-hand soul.”

Heard on Olde Time radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“I rent boats and tell a few white lies, if the price is right. It’s a happy life if you don’t mind looking up at a headstone, because sooner or later, you draw trouble a size too big.”

Heard on Olde Time Radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“It’s a good life. If you work real hard and study a little on the side, you got a trade by the time you get to prison.”

Heard on Olde Time Radio Pat Novak For Hire:

“Down in the waterfront, in San Francisco, you always bite off more than you can chew. It’s tough on your windpipe, but you don’t go hungry.”

Heard on olde time radio’s Pat Novak For Hire:

“Around here a set of morals won’t cause any more stir than Mother’s Day in an orphanage. Maybe that’s not good, but that’s the way it is. And it wouldn’t do any good to build a church down here, because some guy would muscle in and start cutting the wine with wood alcohol. All you can do is try to make the books balance, and the easiest way to do that is to keep one hand on your billfold and the other hand on somebody else’s.”