Bear Grylls. Dude.

Just… dude.

“Just lay back, and think of England!”

Kindly provided via SPAM Assassin:

To: juanitocabrone@cabronenet.com

From: juanitocabrone@cabronenet.com

Subject: Hi Sweety! Remember me?

So apparently, I am SPAMming myself. And posing questions to myself in the third person.

SPAMmers are freaking Geniuses!

All of the quality copies of this video are non-embeddable. Your loss. Here’s a copy of just the audio with the lyrics displayed.

Possibly the best Rock lyric EVAH:

Some days, I hate everything. Everyone and everything

Or if you want to go see the officially released, pretty version, check out this one.

Rumors are circulating that Sports 1140 KHTK’s Whitey Gleason

100% Original Rise Guy: Two Centuries and counting

is something of an Action Movie Star.

But are there two Whitey Gleasons?

One, a sharp witted broadcaster, mimic, parody song-crafter, and basketball whipping boy.

The other, the Bizarro Whitey Gleason?

Consider:

Bizarro Whitey Gleason as we see him in 1988’s Die Hard

Is that an H&K MP5? Nice.

Here, Bizarro White Gleason ponders: Why I am I the normal brother?

I don’t always wear glasses

Until Bruce Willis interrupts his thoughts

Put down the gun Bruce, I do a pretty good Jay Leno…

Bruce, isn’t smitten with the Leno impersonation…

Eyes Wide Open

Following this, Bizarro Whitey Gleason finds himself adrift.

Trafficking in Human Organs

The depths of depravity

Threatening kids in a lunchroom

And he’s not afraid to use it.

Apparently, all hippied up, and living in a commune

No respect for himself.

A humiliating low – swimsuit model

Next up, ghey men’s magazines

Finally becoming introspective

Candy Ass, can I see your Man Card?

Before returning to the Chummy Pal we all know and love. Seen here rawkin’ the WalkMan, listening to the Bay City Rollers.

He blames this look on the influence of his older brother

Apparently, Bizarro Whitey Gleason also has an older brother, Bizarro Phantom

Icon

Who greets parishioners at church as he prepares to read from Scripture, thusly

A reading from the Book of “And The Horse You Rode In On”

Conclusion: The Bizarro Whitey Gleason has never been seen at Wiener Works. Therefore, there are two Whitey Gleasons.

Kindly provided via SPAM Assassin:

To: Unfortunate SPAM Victim

From:FreeViagaOrCialis

Subject: Say goodbye to E.D.

Where is Ed going? Wait, oh, I get it – Pen*s pills.

Poor Ed.

Culled from the site’s Comment SPAM Filters:

Hi,
I have already seen it somethere…

Dude, ’somethere’ isn’t even a word. And I think I’ve seen your comment ’somethere’ too… oh  yeah, when it was

Marked As SPAM

Kindly provided via SPAM Assassin:

tell me reciprocate and get me!

I’ll tell you something – I don’t want to ‘get you’.

Overheard above the din of fresh Nikes squeaking on the White House Court:

“As I have always said, that was a foul.”

“Make no mistake, I will make both of these free throws.”

“We never suggested that both free throws were a requirement to win this game.”

“Some have suggested that I called ‘glass’. Let me be clear, if I did indeed make my shot by banking it off the backboard, then I did call ‘glass’. However, if I missed the shot, then it was because we inherited these bent rims from the previous administration’s policy of using them at Guantanamo Bay. Our allies around the world have lost respect for us because of this policy, and it has fomented new round-ball challengers in the Arabian Peninsula.”

Kindly provided via SPAM Assassin:

Reaching late his flower

Got it – it’s SPAM. But it sounded so pretty…

Kindly provided via SPAM Assassin:

Click and get a mystery gift

It’s no mystery – it’s SPAM.